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+ | ===Designing a creative funeral service=== | ||
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+ | ==Some preliminaries== | ||
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+ | Be very clear from the start what you are trying to do in this service. | ||
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+ | Be conscious of who is likely to come to the event. There is always an element of uncertainty; | ||
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+ | Be clear how long you want the event to be. This is especially important if you are planning to ask friends or family members to pay a tribute or deliver a eulogy. Some people are very competent time keepers; others rabbit on for far longer than you had planned. | ||
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+ | Recce the site carefully. Is there a decent sound system. Do you know how to control it? Is there room at the front for all the people who are going to take part? Are there steps that could pose problems for the elderly? Will there be glasses of water for the main speakers? | ||
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+ | Liaise carefully with whoever is organising the printing , usually but not always the undertaker. Be clear about when they need the final copy, whether you will get a chance to proof-read it (insist so if you can: it can save embarrassing mistakes) and when you can expect delivery of the final product. (It is not unknown for the event to have to begin without the service sheet!) | ||
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+ | Decide on whether you are going to allocate seating to significant guests, eg immediate family. This can demand a degree of diplomacy. Aunt Agatha may take the huff if she is not included, but if she is, Uncle Herbert may not like it. If you do allocate, brief someone who knows everyone involved to be on hand to guide people to their seats. | ||
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+ | Designing the event: some things to bear in mind. | ||
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+ | Are you planning to sing something? Everyone has their own preferences on that, but the key thing is to choose songs or hymns that a large majority will know. If that mans that the deceased’s favourite cannot be sung, too bad: better a second favourite sung confidently and enjoyably than a first favourite mumbled and trashed. And then there’s the accompaniment. Who is going to be responsible for that? If it’s a local -eg the parish organist - there should be no problem as long as they are given plenty of notice of your choice of music. If you plan to use a sound system, | ||
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+ | The nature of the music you play/ | ||
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+ | Don’t be frightened of silence. It can be very powerful if it is introduced sensitively. One trope that often works well is to invite the mourners to recall their happiest moments wit the deceased and to dwell on that memory for two or three minutes. (You might then want them to share that memory with their neighbour.) | ||
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+ | Readings, whether sacred or not, are often an important part of the event. Again, everything is in the choice of what is to be read. You will want to avoid cliches and the over-used, and you will want to find something that is wholly appropriate to the tastes of the deceased. If you get that right, it is surprising what you can “get away with” in terms of approval from the participating mourners. | ||
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+ | Next to the choice of words comes the choice of readers. Sad to say, the quality of public reading has fallen and is still falling. You cannot assume that a professional person can read well in public. Most cannot - and a mumbled, | ||
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+ | Eulogies. They have become almost de rigeur and can be very moving and special. They can also be painfully bad (or, almost as tiresome, repetitive as one eulogist tells the same stories as another.) Unfortunately, | ||
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+ | Be brave and think of an original twist. Try to avoid producing a clone of every other memorial service everyone has ever been to. You can, for instance, do something interesting with flowers. A Scottish tradition is to give everyone a flower as they enter the building and invite them to come and lay their flower on a silver platter, with a farewell message to the deceased. | ||
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=== Preparing the funeral service === | === Preparing the funeral service === | ||
- | Most of what we have put in the category " | + | . |
First, you need to be aware that many denominations have a formally prescribed funeral service. Most Ministers will see this as their default: they will use it unless you ask for something else.That said, most Ministers today are very flexible and will go a long way to accommodate your (reasonable) requests. Most will insist on at least one Biblical reading, often on an Easter theme,and obviously, they will want to include prayers for the family, for those who mourn and for the deceased, that they may rest in peace. | First, you need to be aware that many denominations have a formally prescribed funeral service. Most Ministers will see this as their default: they will use it unless you ask for something else.That said, most Ministers today are very flexible and will go a long way to accommodate your (reasonable) requests. Most will insist on at least one Biblical reading, often on an Easter theme,and obviously, they will want to include prayers for the family, for those who mourn and for the deceased, that they may rest in peace. | ||
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For the rest, you can choose other readings (poems are a popular choice), music or prayers that mean a lot to you and/or the deceased. | For the rest, you can choose other readings (poems are a popular choice), music or prayers that mean a lot to you and/or the deceased. | ||
If you do not intend to hold a Memorial service later, you may want to include a eulogy in the service. If it is a cremation, you will need to bear in mind that there are very tight limits on the time allotted to each funeral party, so any eulogy will need to be short, especially if the Minister wishes to say something as a homily (which many will feel is their duty on such an occasion.) | If you do not intend to hold a Memorial service later, you may want to include a eulogy in the service. If it is a cremation, you will need to bear in mind that there are very tight limits on the time allotted to each funeral party, so any eulogy will need to be short, especially if the Minister wishes to say something as a homily (which many will feel is their duty on such an occasion.) | ||
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The same general point applies to the choice of music in a cremation. Many crematoria have a resident organist who will play whatever you request (if so advised by the Undertaker.) But there are severe time constraints of which you need to be aware.(If in doubt, consult the Undertaker.) There is usually much less time pressure in a church or chapel - or a woodland burial. Most funeral venues these days have decent sound systems so you can play any music you can supply. (But a word of warning: If you try to over-compensate for the sad and solemn mood that usually accompanies a funeral, it can sound tasteless and disrespectful. Just be aware of that.) | The same general point applies to the choice of music in a cremation. Many crematoria have a resident organist who will play whatever you request (if so advised by the Undertaker.) But there are severe time constraints of which you need to be aware.(If in doubt, consult the Undertaker.) There is usually much less time pressure in a church or chapel - or a woodland burial. Most funeral venues these days have decent sound systems so you can play any music you can supply. (But a word of warning: If you try to over-compensate for the sad and solemn mood that usually accompanies a funeral, it can sound tasteless and disrespectful. Just be aware of that.) | ||
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