Loneliness and the Sense of Absence

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Loneliness is such a mild and gentle word for something which can be a heart breakingly ache. The chronic nature of loneliness when someone close is never there again and the acute feeling when you reach out to talk to them or touch them and they are not there for you or with you.

How tough and unfair this is and how difficult it is when it surprises you when you least expect it. I was accompanying my friend on her first trip to the supermarket. She had prepared to meet friends and acquaintances and almost rehearsed how she would talk of her husband's death, what she wasn't prepared for was when she turned into one aisle where there were a stack of toilet rolls. Her grief was palpable and when she was able to speak she said that Duncan had a thing about loo rolls - he insisted they only bought white ones ' I can now buy the apricot ones I always wanted to buy' she said and in that moment realised that he was gone.

Some people talk of the ache, a different friend of mine said that it still is stabbing and still is violent. However it affects you it will take it's own course. During this difficult time which can go on and on, be gentle with yourself, allow yourself to feel lonely, and look after yourself through this pain. There are no easy answers, but there is partial relief, come to know what that is for you and use it.